.seize the day or die regretting.

BLACK WISHES
-
The night comes down and I’m right behind you
Don’t try to hide; I know where to find you
Give you the taste of a living Hell
Insanity, oh Lord am I still myself?
-
Where have I been? What have I seen?
Black wishes make me wanna scream
This pain I feel, oh is this real?
Black wishes make me wanna kill
-
Lost my mind can somebody help me
Lost my soul/ is it here to scare me?
Dark red blood staining all my dreams
Madness haze steaming all my seeing
-
Whom have I killed? Blood I have spilled
Black wishes make me wanna puke
My love is gone, that’s what I’ve become
Black wishes please, leave me alone
-
These shadows in the night
That make you streak of fright
Walking from street to street
Just like a zombie freak
-
Where have I been? What have I seen?
Black wishes make me wanna scream
My love is gone; that’s what I’ve become
Black wishes please, leave me alone.

Basically Jimmy had written a song and I pushed him to keep finishing it because I thought it was brilliant. Three days before he died, he finished the song. He called it Death. The very end lyrics he repeats over and over are, “I hope its worth it what’s left behind me, I know you’ll find your own way when I’m not with you tonight”, and he sings that 4 times over and over like, over this eerie organ, and like the slowest, saddest key changes… and he died 3 days later. He told me that night, he’d finished it. He said “You know Matt, I’m finished writing on this record. I think I’ve given you guys everything that I have on this record. I don’t know if we have anymore songs left from anybody else or what we’re going to do but this, this is my final song.” It was like a goodbye letter.

Everytime I’m happy
It’s definetely not because some things
SOME PEOPLE PUT ME THROUGH
It’s because I’m strong enough to go through SHIT
And make my way around…

who will be there to tell me how stupid I am?

I think I NEED a cigarette
I think I NEED a drink
I think I NEED a medication
I think I NEED to think
About all the reasons that have brought ME here
I thought I’d think about them
I thought you’d KNOW
that I just need …… .

Words being treated the way they shouldn’t
“I LOVE YOU” being said like hello’s and goodbye’s
The only demonstration of love I can seem to find
is the UNSPOKEN LOVE
The one that keeps you WARM at night without saying a word
The one that makes you HAPPY with a smile
The one that makes you CRY when you can’t even find her shadow around
The one that makes you FEEL incomplete when all the lights are down
The one that…
…makes you say everything without SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL…

Sometimes I think I’ve become someone I don’t recognize anymore
But what is the definition of “be yourself”?
What is wrong with the things YOU do
if LIFE IS YOURS?
The weight of doubt is so FUCKING GRAND that sometimes makes you believe you’re not capable of choosing what’s right and wrong
This weight deceives you and makes you act on impulse
But hey, what if there’s no right or wrong?
Just possibilities and consequences?
Just chances with risks?
Just a shot with a yes or no answer?
There is YOUR right and wrong, YOUR choice
And YOUR possibility to change things
And by YOUR CHOICE
You’ll get the consequences…

Was it I the mistake?
Was I a mistake?
Am I a living mistake?
We all need answers
So do I

What happens if I won’t care anymore?
What happens if I lose control?
Let’s say you can’t be yourself
What would you do to put you back on track?

Why can’t I just be myself?
What if the greatest gift to you is me?
What if the world would stop spinning so only you and I could live in?
There are so many questions
SO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS
and I don’t know where to start

I can’t seem to find the line between sanity and INSANITY
the line between HATE and love

HATE or love?
love or HATE?
I don’t know what else to do

If I can’t love you being myself
or if I can’t get your love by being myself

WHY CAN’T I JUST BE MYSELF?

What if you were holding the whole world in your hands
And you’re letting it slip away through your fingers
Just because you’re too worried with SENSELESS things

What if you and I could be together forever?
What if you and I could never be together again?

What happens if all of this stop being just a possibility?
What happens if all of this turn into truth?
What happens if i’m not here for ONE more DAY?
What happens if next weekend never comes?
Would you live through it?
Would you see it through?
Would you make it through?
Knowing that I WOULD BE THERE FOR YOU?